Haunted
by Ialwaysshipthedoomedones
Summary: "There's no answer and she realises that she is indeed going crazy. Loneliness has finally driven away any sanity which still remained and now she is just empty, talking to the voices she hears in her head"


_'You used to **captivate** me, by your resonating light. Now I'm bound by the life you left **behind**. Your face it haunts, my once **pleasant** dreams. You're voice it chased away, all the** sanity** in me"_

It had become eerily quiet in her flat over the recent months. It was reflected from herself, she guessed. From the hollow, gut wrenching pain she still felt, the throbbing ache that lingered across her skin, mingled in her cells then settled amongst the cracks in her mangled heart.

She has tried so many ways to dull the emptiness, the empty bottles of various alcohols scattered across the kitchen counter prove to her that nothing can fight away her demons.

Every movement she makes, echoes through the walls of her prison, the cage in which she has enclosed herself in. It is barely a skeleton of the home it used to be, a ghost of it's former self.

Carla thinks if she stays here long enough, she may just cease to exist, fade away into a distant memory, another lost soul in a world full of broken people.

How can you miss something that was not yours to begin with?

She stumbles into her bedroom, the effects of the large amount of alcohol she has consumed cause her to trip and collapse in a heap on her bed and she wonders if there is even any blood left in her veins which now carry various coloured poisons to her heart.

''You always were a light weight y' know'' Carla jumps as the sound of a familiar voice floats through the air, sending shivers down her spine that she hasn't felt in years.

''Hello?" Carla whispers and turns her head against the pillow.

''Hey stranger'' The voice whispers back, fondness resounding in his words.

''Lee, is that you?" She wanted to believe it, more than anything in the world, but she had learnt long ago to fear disappointment. There's no answer and she realises that she is indeed going crazy. Loneliness has finally driven away any sanity which still remained and now she is just empty, talking to the voices she hears in her head.

She sighs and sinks back into her bed, her hands pulling at her tangled locks in despair.

"Where've you been Lee? I haven't felt you around in so long" She doesn't expect an answer and she speaks more to herself than anyone else. After he died, she would feel him. Sometimes it was like he was reaching out, touching her, holding her. She'd cry herself to sleep as her lover's murderer slept next to her but it wouldn't hurt as much because she could feel his hand in hers. She can hear him whispering comforting words in her ear and stroking her hair.

"I'm here, I'm always right here" Carla's cheek tingles, as though she can feel his hand resting there. She brings her hand up to where she feels his and closes her eyes to his touch, much like she used to when he were alive.

''You haven't forgotten me then?'' he jokes, slipping into their usual banter as though they had never been apart.

''I could never forget you leebugs'' Carla whispers, stifling a yawn.

"You look so different Car, you look-"

"Broken?"

"Yeah, broken. What happened to my Carla?"

"Oh Leebugs, she died long ago. Loud mouth with a dirty giggle, she hasn't been around in a very long time"

"You've been hurt" He isn't asking, he is stating. He can see it in her eyes. He's been watching her, always from afar. They say if you have unfinished business then the dead cannot let go. Liam doesn't have unfinished business but he can see the hollow look that reflects in Carla's eyes and he cannot bare to leave her alone.

So he stays nearby, he watches. He feels anger rise deep within him as he sees how the people in her life have hurt her. But he cannot do anything to stop it, he cannot make it better because he's gone. He's just something that lingers in his lovers head like a broken memory and he can not protect her.

"Oh Lee, I've not been hurt. I've been destroyed, torn apart. It's like every part of me aches and I can't fix it"

"Frank-"

"Don't say his name Liam, please don't" Carla can feel salty tears well in her eyes but she tries to fight them, she doesn't want cry. She wants to fall into Liam's arms and sob until she falls asleep but this can't happen so she wont cry at all.

"How d'you know about him?" Carla sits perched on the end of her bed now, her knees are up under her chin as she talks.

"I always know" She thinks she feels the space on the bed next to her sink slightly, as if someone sat down beside her but she knows she is imagining it and her heart sinks as she remembers that this is all in her imagination, and she's still as alone as she has been since the day he died.

"I wanted to stop him Car, I would've if-"

"If what Liam? If you weren't dead? Well you are. You're dead Liam, okay. DEAD. And this is all in my head, this can't be happening. You died Liam. I was there when they carried you away, I was there when they buried you. I cried for you every night since because you left me! You left me alone with him Liam. Why did you go, why did you leave me?"

Carla is crying now, sobs of pain escape her tortured soul, she pulls her hair as she tries to work out the mess that is surrounding her. She turns away from where she is looking and lays down onto her pillow, screaming and shouting, her tears soaking the pillow in seconds. She pulls her legs up under her chin and lays on her side, facing away from the door.

She thinks she feels an arm reach across her, a hand take hers in his and then a pair of legs slot in behind her. Fitting perfectly like a piece of puzzle that has been lost, now found.

After a while her tears begin to slow, and she swears she can feel his warm breath against her neck. She moves her body so it is as close to the intangible, invisible body that lays behind her.

The next morning Carla is woken by the sound of her phone ringing on the bed side table. With a sleepy smile she turns on her side, extending her arm to embrace the sleeping person next to her. But she is met with emptiness and then it hits her, the events of last night, and she realises that nothing has changed, she is still desperately, painfully alone.

Carla's phone still rings loudly next to her, she wipes away the tears and reaches to pick it up. Peter's name flashes up and she feels a pang of guilt, as though she has deceived someone and although she isn't sure which of her lovers is the victim, it hurts to think of it in this way.

She plasters on a fake smile and a sing song voice, with a deep breath she answers, ignoring the tears that are still falling.

"Hey baby"


End file.
